Many Christian marriages are falling apart leaving partners confused about their next steps. Is Divorce is Godly? Will God be angry at a formerly wedded couple seeking a divorce and remarrying? These are questions most Christian devouts have regarding their unsatisfying marriages.
Here are words from Prossy Buyondo, a marriage counselor and TV host of the Garden of Eden Marriage talk show on UBC.
‘The issues of divorce and remarriage in the church of Christ are quite a contentious issue as so many seem to wonder what’s going on. The estranged husband and wife are always ostracized while others get supported for choosing to move on with a different person after a failed marriage. The overriding question is; how did we get here, what’s going in the church of Christ? Why are ministers of the gospel, seemingly failing to bear the very simple fruit of the Spirit they ‘claim’ to have, true love that births patience?
The simple answer is; Marriage is Not Religion.
The word religion simply means the way of worship to a supernatural being. It also means a set of beliefs into a system that is generally accepted as a way of doing things. That said, marriage has a clear purpose God designed it to serve. Once that purpose is abused, it ceases to be a marriage but something else that I call religion!
Take a close look at the worship systems here on earth. Yes, if you are born again, this means you understand the difference between where you were and who you are today. Religion is a pretentious way of worship, the apostle Paul refers to such a church as one that confesses the name of God but denies the power thereof. They sing every day that by Jesus’ stripes you are healed but will never believe God for any kind of supernatural healing.
Religious people will claim to love Jesus but derive their blessings to succeed in life from shrines, yet they were in church thanking God for the job they received from the witch doctor! They will go to church lift their holy hands to worship God when their hearts are set on their desires. Such people are said to be lukewarm, and Jesus spits such out. The Lord calls such a church adulterous, in their heart.
Ultimately, we understand that the relationship between the church and Christ marriage is the mirror for the husband and wife marriage. This means that marriage between husband and wife isn’t supposed to be religious either!
God’s purpose for introducing Eve to Adam was Companionship. ( Genesis 2: 18). To have a counterpart, a helper, somebody to share life by complementing man. This means that a husband was designed with needs that no one else could serve, not even the presence of God! Therefore, God designed a wife with a clear assignment.
Truthfully, the major purpose for a husband and wife is intercourse – becoming one flesh. ( Genesis 2:24 V) Thereafter, children would come after sex. That is why sex is marriage. Without Sex being continuously met, it ceases to be marriage, it’s dead!
Does God support a marriage that’s not serving its purpose? Or does He prefer an adulterous Church? One that worships other gods but comes to “church” on Sundays. Don’t you see it? You mean God would rather have a husband keep his ring on after his wife abandons him in his bedroom for years simply because God hates divorce?
Divorce means an act of separation or disengagement from a commitment. The day you set your heart to abandon your husband or wife – the day you disagree on giving them the intended companionship; that’s the day you divorced them. It’s not when the lawyers sign that paper.
Again marriage is not the certificate, it’s not the ring – it’s not living in the same house. Marriage is a heart issue. It’s an intimate mutual relationship between man and woman intended to serve them continual companionship. But religion has tainted this image and the church is equally confused about what purpose it is supposed to serve. So the wife has left her post and so has the husband, they’re all about showing off instead of pleasing each other.
That’s why believers advise others to hang in there even when their partners divorced ages ago. Usually, society believes in the public display rather than the truth in your bedroom. Compare this to the people that will show up before the Lord on the last day claiming having been His servants. He will disown them saying’ I don’t know you’
The Lord considers the unseen, the status of your heart. He is a witness to which one is a valid marriage and that which expired whether you walk hand in hand daily.
WHEN SHOULD ONE DIVORCE OR REMARRY?
“Can two walk together unless they are agreed?” Amos 3:3 NKJV
Considering, agreement, both husband and wife agree to make the covenant in the first place, so they have the responsibility of keeping that agreement or covenant. If any of them disagrees, at any one point; not even God can keep them together. Imagine a believer in the Lord who makes a vow today to follow Christ and tomorrow they denounce Him!
Jesus says if two of you agree on earth concerning ANYTHING, it will be done by my Father in heaven. God will hold you responsible for your failure to honor this agreement no matter your excuses. That’s why I encourage couples not to get complacent or play religious in their marriage because God is watching you more than society.
So where should the husband or wife get companionship while their partner is actually married in another person’s house?
“Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control”. I Corinthians 7:5 NKJV
Also, sex in marriage is the only reason you left your father and mother to join that person. And it is not to be deprived, denied, withheld – except for a short time, the apostle Paul says. Any human being can only control themselves as they’re given the grace to. That’s why Paul recommends that people shouldn’t follow his celibate life because he was gifted differently.
Bottom line, marriage is not driving in the same car, wearing the ring, or sharing a husband’ss name to get society approval. Marriage is a husband and wife meeting the needs of each without anyone watching except God. Let your spouse and God be the only true witnesses to whether your married or not.
In conclusion, witnessing a husband unscrupulously abandon their wife out of lust doesn’t mean there are no genuine couples that even God has allowed to divorce and remarry. The problem with society is that it generalizes people. We’re here to serve different godly purposes! Let God, Who’s a true witness of people’s secret lives in their marriage authorize their divorce or remarriage. At the end of the day, it is all about glorifying God, not society. Only He can join husband and wife, and only He should “disjoin” them